In Honor of Valentines Day....

It's been almost 4 years since I first started talking to my husband online...in honor of V-day I will tell you all about our first date...at least what I remember of it. It did take place after a 7 hour flight from New York :)

I remember getting off the plane. I was so nervous. Actually nervous doesn't really explain what I was feeling. Just 10 hours earlier, as my best friend was driving me to the airport, I had a huge knot in my stomach and I remember saying something to the effect of "I'm not sure I can do this, I'm gonna puke". I was heading to a country I'd never been to to go on a 10 day date with a man I'd never met. Yeah, nervous is an understatement.

As I made my way into the baggage claim at the airport in Casablanca, I was scared. I didn't know how to get my passport stamped and no one spoke English. I didn't know where to go to find my "date". After finally figuring it out, I walked through the double doors where your friends/family wait for your arrival. A sea of women in hijabs all looked at me. Panic set in as I scanned the room and didn't see him. Just as I was trying to plan how to make my way around a country by myself for 10 days since I got stood up....he appeared. With a bouquet of lillies. My favorite flower. I'd mentioned it once in passing, and he'd remembered. They were the prettiest lillies I'd ever seen, and still have ever seen to this day. But more importantly, he was there. He was tall and cute and just as sweet as he'd acted on the phone and the internet. I couldn't believe it was real. I'd finally met this guy that I fell in love with seemingly overnight and over 5000 miles away.

This was our first meeting, so I count it as our first date.....

It was kind of awkward. I mean I knew him, but I didn't know him. He carried my bag and he held my hand. I had butterflies. We got in the car and he still held my hand. He drove me to the Mosque on the ocean to look around. It was beautiful, but tours were over, so we went and sat on a wall overlooking the ocean. We sat close to each other, took some pictures, and talked. He knew I was tired so we didn't stay terribly long. He asked me if I wanted to take the fastest way to the hotel or the scenic route. I chose the scenic route along the coast.

The drive was going to be about an hour or maybe a little more, I could barely think straight between the tiredness and the complete exhilaration I was feeling at the moment. We stopped at a cafe to grab some coffee and a snack. He ordered me a coffee and I'm sure something sweet...like a danish, I don't really remember. I do remember that the coffee was the strongest I'd ever tasted. It was thick and gross and I didn't care. I was just soaking in the moment. I cant tell you now what our conversation was about, but I do know whatever it was was completely amazing. I remember just looking into his eyes and thanking God that I didn't punk out and I actually boarded that plane.

We left the cafe and headed down the coast. We were listening to some french or Arabic music and looking out over the ocean. It was warm and sunny out, and the windows were down blowing through our hair. At some point he was driving and we just looked at each other and that was it, we leaned in and had our first kiss going down the road at probably 50 or 60 miles an hour....and it was the best kiss ever!

From there I don't remember everything that happened on that particular day. All of my Morocco memories kind of run together. But I remember that first "date", and more importantly our first kiss!

Valentines Day is not a huge holiday to me. I never really cared to truly celebrate it. But it is a time where I'm reminded to look back on that first day we met and be really happy that I do have a Valentine that means the world to me!

Where's the surprise in that??

This morning on the radio I heard a girl call in and was speaking of her relationship. She said she and her boyfriend were in a committed relationship and were getting engaged soon. That last part reminded me that lately, as in the past few years, I've heard regularly, women talking about when they're getting engaged.

I then thought about how often I've heard women talk about going to pick out their engagement ring. This surprises me. When I think of getting engaged I think of a guy going and picking out a ring, secretly, that he thinks his girlfriend will love. I think of a man dreaming up some romantic way to surprise her, to catch her completely off guard. I think of a man calling her girlfriends to help him pull off the surprise. What I don't envision is having a conversation between a boyfriend and girlfriend saying, "ok, well lets go to Kay Jewelers this weekend to pick out your ring".

I feel like getting asked "will you marry me" should be one of the biggest surprises in a womans life. Of course if you're in a committed relationship, you may realize it's headed in the direction of marriage, but I don't think it's our place as women to set a time or date or have the option of picking our ring. It's one of the biggest moments in a mans life too, and anyone who is married will probably agree that it will be the last large purchase he makes on his own. Once your married and you spend a couple grand on something, you pretty much need the ok of your spouse! I think we should leave this up to the one asking the question.

Now what if your guy picks a ring you hate? So. Thats what I say about it. It's the thought that counts. If he took the time to go to a jewelery store with you and your future in mind, you should cherish whatever he got you - whether it fit your style or not. The ring I got is not one I would have picked myself, and my husband knows that and has tried to talk me into getting a new ring several times. I've said no each time because while I may not love the style of it, I love the thought of it. I love that he went out and bought me something he thought I would love. I love that he took the time to think up a way to surprise me when he asked me to marry him. I can never get rid of this ring simply because I don't love the way it looks.

I guess my point is that sometimes just because you're in a relationship for a year doesn't mean you have to have the talk about getting an engagement ring. Obviously if you're talking about a future together he has marriage in mind. Let him be the man, take control of the situation and ask you to marry him how he wants to and with what he wants to.

Cheating Spouses

Someone posted the question on FB the other day, "Why do people cheat"? Since I feel really strongly about cheating (as do most people, I assume) I felt the need to offer my opinion on the subject.

People who cheat have no morals. There is no fear of God. Cheating on a spouse is one of the worst sins you can commit, yet people these days seem to do it so easily.It's like there are no consequences for their actions.

Men cheat on women and the women find out and forgive them. Maybe you feel like a good person for being able to forgive, and maybe you are. Maybe it was a one time mistake. I personally would not be able to forgive even just one time. But that's me. I know my husband wouldn't forgive me for just one time either...and I respect that about him too.

I think people cheat when there is a problem in their relationship. It could be a lot of reasons. Not getting along, lack of intimacy, loneliness, not seeing each other enough....whatever. None of these reasons are good reasons for cheating. I cannot think of one GOOD reason to cheat. In my mind it's just never an option. If there is a problem in your relationship, you have two options:

1.) Fix it
2.) Get out of the marriage before you move on to the next person

If my husband cheated on me, I would never be able to look at him with respect again, I'd never be able to forgive him and move on like nothing happened. And that's what you have to do if you choose to forgive a cheater, because if you don't forgive and FORGET, you will inevitably think he is out with someone else every time he takes too long at Wal-mart, or every time he is a little late from work. You'll wonder if he's thinking about the other woman while he's with you. That's no way to live.

I have friends who have taken back cheating boyfriends and cheating husbands. I am a good friend so I support their decisions. What works for them wouldn't work for me, but it doesn't mean I judge you. You do what you need to do. But then there are those friends who are constantly cheated on. They have solid proof. The husband may have even admitted it. It may have been with several girls. My opinion here is....stop bitching about your husband cheating and how it hurts you so bad, and then take him back. Not once, not twice, but over and over and over. At that point, it's in your hands to change the situation. Stop expecting him to change. It is obvious if he is constantly in some other woman's company, whether that be at a restaurant or in her bed, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't want ONLY you. Stop expecting that to magically change. It won't.

And stop expecting your friends to feel bad for you when it happens, and then completely act like it didn't happen once you decide you want to make it work.....again. If you're going to keep taking him back you have to stop telling everyone about what he is doing. You are making your friends hate him for how he hurts you and they cant just forgive him at the drop of a hat because they don't "love him" like you do.

Cheating is quite possibly one of the worst things one can do to another. I think I'd rather be punched in the face than be cheated on. It's just such a violation of trust, respect, love.

For all of my friends that have dealt with this, please take the time to realize you are worth more than that. You deserve more, and he does not deserve you, your compassion, your forgiveness. There is someone out there that will love you completely and wholeheartedly. Someone that will treat you with the respect you deserve. Someone that will NEVER think of cheating on you.

Weight Loss Progress

With diet and exercise, I've managed to lose some weight. I've really struggled with my weight for a long time, but it's finally becoming a lifestyle and not a diet for me. I am eating healthy and exercising everyday. It feels good to see results, but I am not even close to where I need to be. Its going to be a long road....

At week 4 I started measuring inches (I wish I'd done that from the beginning). From now on I will also include my inches in my weekly progress!

Week 1 - 6.8 lbs lost
Week 2 - 3.1 lbs lost
Week 3 - 0.4 lbs gained
Week 4 - 1.5 lbs lost
Week 5 - 4.6 lbs lost              9.25 inches lost
Week 6 - 0.2 lbs gained         3.75 inches lost
Week 7 - 2.6 lbs lost              5.75 inches lost
Week 8 - 3.7 lbs lost              5.00 inches lost
Week 9 - 2.4 lbs lost              0.00 inches lost (wierd...maybe cause I didn't exercise at all)
Week 10 - 0.9 lbs gained
Week 11 - did not weigh in
Week 12 - 5.1 lbs lost           7.25 inches lost
Week 13 - did not weigh in
Week 14 - did not weigh in    8.25 inches lost
Week 15 - 2.2 lbs lost
Week 16 - 0.7 lbs lost
Week 19 - 5.5 lbs lost            6.5 inches lost
Week 20 - 0.7 lbs lost
Week 21 - 0.9 lbs lost
Week 22 - 2.0 lbs lost
Week 25 - 3.1 lbs lost             7.5 inches lost
Week 26 - 1.6 lbs lost
Week 27 - 1.0 lbs lost
Not sure what week it is but I've lost 2.6 lbs

Total as of August 20, 2011  -       48.6 pounds lost

                                                  53.25 inches lost


Can't wait to post updates to watch my progress!

Keeping up.....

I know to some extent I don't like to just "straighten up". I like to clean. And by clean I mean go through every single little thing, re-fold anything that's gotten messy in the drawers, move everything to dust - real cleaning. Sometimes if I don't have the time to invest in real cleaning, I'd rather leave it until I can do it right. But what drives me nuts is I can scour every inch of a room and by the time I'm done with it the next room looks like a tornado hit. When I'm done with that one the next one looks worse, and so on. No matter how many loads of laundry I wash, dry, and fold...there is another one lying in wait. No matter how many dishes are loaded and unloaded, there are more sitting in my sink mocking me.

Over the past few months, I've realized there is absolutely no way for me to keep up with everything that needs to be done. More recently it's become harder with the dieting and exercise. It just added more entries to my never-ending list of things to do. Between driving an hour in the morning, working all day, exercising on my lunch break, driving an hour home, cooking dinner, cleaning, laundry, the kids, showering....I feel as if I have no time. And when I do have a little extra time before I sleep, I don't have the energy to lift another finger.

I think I need an intervention or a certified professional organizer, or at the very least suggestions as to how I can stay on top of all the stuff that needs to be done at home when I am basically limited to at the most 3 hours in the evening.....anyone??

I concur with your dream, Dr. King.

I have a terrible memory. Short term and long term. I can barely remember what I did yesterday, let alone, what happened years ago. However, once in middle school something came out of my mouth that I never expected...and will never forget. A kid kept grabbing my shoulders or my bookbag or something like that - all in good fun- and I turned around and screamed at him the worst sentence I believe I've ever uttered - to this day. I'm not repeating it, and I'm not proud of it. Ashamed of it actually.

I'm not a racist. I'm pretty much non-judgemental of race, religion, culture....whatever. I truly believe as I grew older I became even more accepting of people that were different to me. I realized along the way that we weren't that different after all. We're all people. End of story.

But it's not the end of the story.....

It is 2011. Many years past the Civil Rights Act of 1964 ending segregation. Of course there isn't any segregation of races at any public place. Our president is black. But there is still racism. There are still people that think there shouldn't be inter-racial dating...or marriage. There is still the KKK. We as a country have taken great strides to make sure everyone is treated equally, but there are still those among us that believe we are not equal, or should stay with our own "kind".

In 2002, just after I had Cain, one of my customers at work saw a picture of Cain on my desk. He was an old man, probably in his 80's. He said he had something for my son and would bring it in the next month. When he came in the next month he handed me a tape of MLK's I Have a Dream speech. He said he was there when MLK made that speech and that it changed his life. He told me that he hoped I would play it for my son. That gift meant so much to me. It was very nice of the man, and I still have the tape and will give it to Cain when he gets older. Every time I hear that speech, I get teary eyed. Its not just about race, its about equality. I too dream that one day my kids will never know the feeling of being judged for what they look like or what religion they are.

Every time I hear about racist remarks that are made it brings me back to that comment I made in middle school. Of course I didn't mean it, I said it just to get under their skin. To piss them off like they were pissing me off. I truly hope sometimes that person doesn't remember what I said, or just wrote me off as being a jerk. I should have never said it and I certainly am sorry that I did. But it also makes me realize that while I could have been so thoughtless with my words, I still grew up to be one of the most accepting people I know. It gives me the hope that other young people will one day see that while we're all different, we are still all the same, and no matter how mad you may be, taking a dig at someones difference from yourself is NEVER acceptable.

Harsh Reality

On January 5th I turned 30. Surprising to me, I didn't even really feel bad about it. I say I am surprised because on my 25th, 26th, and 27th birthday I was devastated to be getting "old". Somewhere in between 27 and 30 years old I stopped caring about ageing. But on my 30th birthday was the realization that I am not getting any younger and I have spent most of my life abusing my body. Now I'm not a cutter or a heroin addict or a prostitute, but I am damaging my body by being fat. I am not thick, I am not chubby, I am not plump. I am obese.

While my blood work and general overall condition say that I am healthy, I have become concerned with the fact that no matter what any blood work says, my body is working harder to maintain all of the extra weight I've put on over the years. I am scared of dying due to being fat. Now of course no autopsy conclusion has ever read, "Cause of Death : Fatness". It is undeniable however, that being very overweight causes health problems that lead to death.

In an effort to change my situation, I've started the South Beach Diet. I am cooking healthy foods, not only for myself, but for my whole family. The first week I lost 6.8 pounds. I will know tomorrow what I lost this week. Hopefully a good amount as well since I started exercising last week. I have to keep myself moving in the right direction. I don't want to lose weight and gain it back. I need to get to a healthy weight and maintain it. 6.8 pounds seems like a lot, and I agree that it is, but this is just the beginning. There is a long way to go. At the minimum I HAVE to lose 50 pounds. I HAVE to. But for now I'm starting with smaller, more attainable goals....right now I just want to lose 20. When I hit 20, I will set another small goal.

Losing weight is hard. It's a real commitment. All I think about now is food. I have to plan my meals in advance. Make sure I don't have things around that will tempt me. I think about when I'm going to exercise, how I'm going to exercise, and I look forward to Saturdays when I weigh in. I am hoping that all of this obsessing will lead to living a healthy life forever. Undoubtedly, there will be days I screw up. None so far, but I'm sure there will be days. I'm OK with that as long as its occasionally. I have a long road ahead and I am so happy to be able to talk about it and share my struggle with everyone who reads my blog!