I know to some extent I don't like to just "straighten up". I like to clean. And by clean I mean go through every single little thing, re-fold anything that's gotten messy in the drawers, move everything to dust - real cleaning. Sometimes if I don't have the time to invest in real cleaning, I'd rather leave it until I can do it right. But what drives me nuts is I can scour every inch of a room and by the time I'm done with it the next room looks like a tornado hit. When I'm done with that one the next one looks worse, and so on. No matter how many loads of laundry I wash, dry, and fold...there is another one lying in wait. No matter how many dishes are loaded and unloaded, there are more sitting in my sink mocking me.
Over the past few months, I've realized there is absolutely no way for me to keep up with everything that needs to be done. More recently it's become harder with the dieting and exercise. It just added more entries to my never-ending list of things to do. Between driving an hour in the morning, working all day, exercising on my lunch break, driving an hour home, cooking dinner, cleaning, laundry, the kids, showering....I feel as if I have no time. And when I do have a little extra time before I sleep, I don't have the energy to lift another finger.
I think I need an intervention or a certified professional organizer, or at the very least suggestions as to how I can stay on top of all the stuff that needs to be done at home when I am basically limited to at the most 3 hours in the evening.....anyone??
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
I concur with your dream, Dr. King.
I have a terrible memory. Short term and long term. I can barely remember what I did yesterday, let alone, what happened years ago. However, once in middle school something came out of my mouth that I never expected...and will never forget. A kid kept grabbing my shoulders or my bookbag or something like that - all in good fun- and I turned around and screamed at him the worst sentence I believe I've ever uttered - to this day. I'm not repeating it, and I'm not proud of it. Ashamed of it actually.
I'm not a racist. I'm pretty much non-judgemental of race, religion, culture....whatever. I truly believe as I grew older I became even more accepting of people that were different to me. I realized along the way that we weren't that different after all. We're all people. End of story.
But it's not the end of the story.....
It is 2011. Many years past the Civil Rights Act of 1964 ending segregation. Of course there isn't any segregation of races at any public place. Our president is black. But there is still racism. There are still people that think there shouldn't be inter-racial dating...or marriage. There is still the KKK. We as a country have taken great strides to make sure everyone is treated equally, but there are still those among us that believe we are not equal, or should stay with our own "kind".
In 2002, just after I had Cain, one of my customers at work saw a picture of Cain on my desk. He was an old man, probably in his 80's. He said he had something for my son and would bring it in the next month. When he came in the next month he handed me a tape of MLK's I Have a Dream speech. He said he was there when MLK made that speech and that it changed his life. He told me that he hoped I would play it for my son. That gift meant so much to me. It was very nice of the man, and I still have the tape and will give it to Cain when he gets older. Every time I hear that speech, I get teary eyed. Its not just about race, its about equality. I too dream that one day my kids will never know the feeling of being judged for what they look like or what religion they are.
Every time I hear about racist remarks that are made it brings me back to that comment I made in middle school. Of course I didn't mean it, I said it just to get under their skin. To piss them off like they were pissing me off. I truly hope sometimes that person doesn't remember what I said, or just wrote me off as being a jerk. I should have never said it and I certainly am sorry that I did. But it also makes me realize that while I could have been so thoughtless with my words, I still grew up to be one of the most accepting people I know. It gives me the hope that other young people will one day see that while we're all different, we are still all the same, and no matter how mad you may be, taking a dig at someones difference from yourself is NEVER acceptable.
I'm not a racist. I'm pretty much non-judgemental of race, religion, culture....whatever. I truly believe as I grew older I became even more accepting of people that were different to me. I realized along the way that we weren't that different after all. We're all people. End of story.
But it's not the end of the story.....
It is 2011. Many years past the Civil Rights Act of 1964 ending segregation. Of course there isn't any segregation of races at any public place. Our president is black. But there is still racism. There are still people that think there shouldn't be inter-racial dating...or marriage. There is still the KKK. We as a country have taken great strides to make sure everyone is treated equally, but there are still those among us that believe we are not equal, or should stay with our own "kind".
In 2002, just after I had Cain, one of my customers at work saw a picture of Cain on my desk. He was an old man, probably in his 80's. He said he had something for my son and would bring it in the next month. When he came in the next month he handed me a tape of MLK's I Have a Dream speech. He said he was there when MLK made that speech and that it changed his life. He told me that he hoped I would play it for my son. That gift meant so much to me. It was very nice of the man, and I still have the tape and will give it to Cain when he gets older. Every time I hear that speech, I get teary eyed. Its not just about race, its about equality. I too dream that one day my kids will never know the feeling of being judged for what they look like or what religion they are.
Every time I hear about racist remarks that are made it brings me back to that comment I made in middle school. Of course I didn't mean it, I said it just to get under their skin. To piss them off like they were pissing me off. I truly hope sometimes that person doesn't remember what I said, or just wrote me off as being a jerk. I should have never said it and I certainly am sorry that I did. But it also makes me realize that while I could have been so thoughtless with my words, I still grew up to be one of the most accepting people I know. It gives me the hope that other young people will one day see that while we're all different, we are still all the same, and no matter how mad you may be, taking a dig at someones difference from yourself is NEVER acceptable.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Harsh Reality
On January 5th I turned 30. Surprising to me, I didn't even really feel bad about it. I say I am surprised because on my 25th, 26th, and 27th birthday I was devastated to be getting "old". Somewhere in between 27 and 30 years old I stopped caring about ageing. But on my 30th birthday was the realization that I am not getting any younger and I have spent most of my life abusing my body. Now I'm not a cutter or a heroin addict or a prostitute, but I am damaging my body by being fat. I am not thick, I am not chubby, I am not plump. I am obese.
While my blood work and general overall condition say that I am healthy, I have become concerned with the fact that no matter what any blood work says, my body is working harder to maintain all of the extra weight I've put on over the years. I am scared of dying due to being fat. Now of course no autopsy conclusion has ever read, "Cause of Death : Fatness". It is undeniable however, that being very overweight causes health problems that lead to death.
In an effort to change my situation, I've started the South Beach Diet. I am cooking healthy foods, not only for myself, but for my whole family. The first week I lost 6.8 pounds. I will know tomorrow what I lost this week. Hopefully a good amount as well since I started exercising last week. I have to keep myself moving in the right direction. I don't want to lose weight and gain it back. I need to get to a healthy weight and maintain it. 6.8 pounds seems like a lot, and I agree that it is, but this is just the beginning. There is a long way to go. At the minimum I HAVE to lose 50 pounds. I HAVE to. But for now I'm starting with smaller, more attainable goals....right now I just want to lose 20. When I hit 20, I will set another small goal.
Losing weight is hard. It's a real commitment. All I think about now is food. I have to plan my meals in advance. Make sure I don't have things around that will tempt me. I think about when I'm going to exercise, how I'm going to exercise, and I look forward to Saturdays when I weigh in. I am hoping that all of this obsessing will lead to living a healthy life forever. Undoubtedly, there will be days I screw up. None so far, but I'm sure there will be days. I'm OK with that as long as its occasionally. I have a long road ahead and I am so happy to be able to talk about it and share my struggle with everyone who reads my blog!
While my blood work and general overall condition say that I am healthy, I have become concerned with the fact that no matter what any blood work says, my body is working harder to maintain all of the extra weight I've put on over the years. I am scared of dying due to being fat. Now of course no autopsy conclusion has ever read, "Cause of Death : Fatness". It is undeniable however, that being very overweight causes health problems that lead to death.
In an effort to change my situation, I've started the South Beach Diet. I am cooking healthy foods, not only for myself, but for my whole family. The first week I lost 6.8 pounds. I will know tomorrow what I lost this week. Hopefully a good amount as well since I started exercising last week. I have to keep myself moving in the right direction. I don't want to lose weight and gain it back. I need to get to a healthy weight and maintain it. 6.8 pounds seems like a lot, and I agree that it is, but this is just the beginning. There is a long way to go. At the minimum I HAVE to lose 50 pounds. I HAVE to. But for now I'm starting with smaller, more attainable goals....right now I just want to lose 20. When I hit 20, I will set another small goal.
Losing weight is hard. It's a real commitment. All I think about now is food. I have to plan my meals in advance. Make sure I don't have things around that will tempt me. I think about when I'm going to exercise, how I'm going to exercise, and I look forward to Saturdays when I weigh in. I am hoping that all of this obsessing will lead to living a healthy life forever. Undoubtedly, there will be days I screw up. None so far, but I'm sure there will be days. I'm OK with that as long as its occasionally. I have a long road ahead and I am so happy to be able to talk about it and share my struggle with everyone who reads my blog!
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