Insanity's on hold for the moment

Sunday night as I was coming downstairs, my sock slipped and I FELL down the stairs! I wasn't hurt terribly bad, but when I landed my heel hit the hardwood floor and I've been hobbling around ever since. I've not been able to put pressure on the foot, so exercising is definitely out of the question. My foot is feeling less terrible everyday, so I'm hoping by the end of the week I will be able to get back into Insanity. I've been watching what I eat, but without exercise I feel like I'm gaining. I'm not even thinking about stepping on the scale. I think I'm going to hold off for a few weeks until I've been back in the swing for a bit.

It's very frustrating to not be able to exercise, but I know if I do high impact moves on this foot then I may injure it worse than it is now. I've been at this for a long time, and along the way I've met a group of girls that are also struggling to lose weight. It's nice having the support of people that understand just how hard it is to get it off. Everyday I am thankful that I've found the strength of friends and the strength inside of myself to continue on this journey, no matter what obsticles I need to overcome.

On a side note, I've almost gotten rid of every piece of clothing that is too big. Keeping them around just means I may fit back into them one day, and I am not ever going to let that happen. My sister was kind enough to let me go shopping in her closet for all of the clothes that no longer fit her either, as she's lost weight and is a svelte size 5/6 now. I have lots of new beautiful clothes that I didn't have to pay for! Along with the clothes that fit me now, she gave me several things that are a size or two too small so I dedicated a closet in my house to my "goal clothes". Keeping clothes that are too small is fully acceptable, it gives me something to work toward.

I don't know at this point just how much weight I still need to lose. It could be 10 pounds, 20 pounds, or 30 pounds. I often wonder if when I get to the right weight I will realize it. Right now, I look in the mirror and still see a fat girl. Lets not kid, I am still fat. Not obese, but overweight. I hope that one day when I get to where I'm supposed to be, I'll be satisfied and happy with myself. That really doesn't have much to do with my physical self...I think I need to start working on my ability to recognize and accept that I'm beautiful (and NOT fat). It's been a long road....over a year, and I don't anticipate this road coming to an end anytime soon. This is my journey, as bumpy as its been, and as bumpy as it continues to be, I am looking forward to finally being completely happy with my physical self, regardless of how long it takes.

Recommitting for the New Year

Wow, I haven't written since October. Life has been in the way of writing, but I really do want to make an effort to make writing a part of my weekly routine. Again I've just been working and dealing with the family stuff and time gets away from me. I did want to make some time to write a post about my weight loss progress. Since the last time I wrote, I've only lost 5 lbs. For the most part I've just maintained which is a feat in itself as the holidays are all about food! I managed through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my 31st birthday without gaining. I am still in a size 10 and I am now 154 pounds.

Here is a progress pic. On the left I'd already lost about 15 lbs. On the right, the day I fit into a size 10 at 159:

I have now been living a healthy lifestyle for 13 months. I am much happier and much healthier, although, I am not even close to where I want to be physically. For my new years resolution, I decided to recommit to my exercise routine, which I have totally slacked on lately. It's been hard to find time to get to the gym and I haven't had any real motivation to workout at home either. I did find time this week to hit the gym, however, even when I'm at the gym I feel like I'm not getting the workout I need. It's hard to workout on my own when I really don't know how much I should be working out. I can spend two hours a day at the gym, but I'm not seeing the results I think I should, which leads me to believe I'm not working out effectively.

After some research, I decided to continue going to the gym, but to add another workout along with the gym. I purchased the Insanity workout system today. It's a high intensity 60 day workout program. It's by the same makers of P90X, but even harder. I'd seen the infomercials and did a lot of research and realized one thing. It would be impossible for this plan to NOT work, unless I just didn't put in the effort. I know I'm probably not as fit as you should be to start a workout regimen like this one, but I can accomplish anything I choose to. I know I can do this. I took the fitness test portion of insanity today and I got a little more than half way through it before I felt like I was going to pass out and/or throw up. I know it sounds weird, but that's the kind of workout I need. It's the kind of workout I know is pushing me. Its the kind of workout that will produce results.

I took pictures today since it was day 1 of the 60 day challenge. I was mortified at how I look in those pics. Yes, I've lost a lot of weight. Yes, I am much smaller than I was. But I am incredibly jiggly and majority fat. I am so focused on making sure that I can take a picture and feel happy. I want to walk without my thighs wiggling. I want to wave without the flab on my arm flapping around. I am determined to get this weight off and I am sure I'm going to be frustrated and sore and tired, but really, in retrospect, every tear I've shed, every sore muscle I've had, every time I've skipped cake, cookies, or fried food, has been worth it. Nothing feels as good as setting your mind to a goal and obtaining it. Right now my goal is in my mind and I will stick to it. I will complete this 60 days of intense exercise. I will get this jiggly butt under control!!!!!!