On January 5th I turned 30. Surprising to me, I didn't even really feel bad about it. I say I am surprised because on my 25th, 26th, and 27th birthday I was devastated to be getting "old". Somewhere in between 27 and 30 years old I stopped caring about ageing. But on my 30th birthday was the realization that I am not getting any younger and I have spent most of my life abusing my body. Now I'm not a cutter or a heroin addict or a prostitute, but I am damaging my body by being fat. I am not thick, I am not chubby, I am not plump. I am obese.
While my blood work and general overall condition say that I am healthy, I have become concerned with the fact that no matter what any blood work says, my body is working harder to maintain all of the extra weight I've put on over the years. I am scared of dying due to being fat. Now of course no autopsy conclusion has ever read, "Cause of Death : Fatness". It is undeniable however, that being very overweight causes health problems that lead to death.
In an effort to change my situation, I've started the South Beach Diet. I am cooking healthy foods, not only for myself, but for my whole family. The first week I lost 6.8 pounds. I will know tomorrow what I lost this week. Hopefully a good amount as well since I started exercising last week. I have to keep myself moving in the right direction. I don't want to lose weight and gain it back. I need to get to a healthy weight and maintain it. 6.8 pounds seems like a lot, and I agree that it is, but this is just the beginning. There is a long way to go. At the minimum I HAVE to lose 50 pounds. I HAVE to. But for now I'm starting with smaller, more attainable goals....right now I just want to lose 20. When I hit 20, I will set another small goal.
Losing weight is hard. It's a real commitment. All I think about now is food. I have to plan my meals in advance. Make sure I don't have things around that will tempt me. I think about when I'm going to exercise, how I'm going to exercise, and I look forward to Saturdays when I weigh in. I am hoping that all of this obsessing will lead to living a healthy life forever. Undoubtedly, there will be days I screw up. None so far, but I'm sure there will be days. I'm OK with that as long as its occasionally. I have a long road ahead and I am so happy to be able to talk about it and share my struggle with everyone who reads my blog!
You rock, Nicole! I am feeling similar feelings about my weight right now. I gained about 20 pounds while living in Morocco - probably from a change in diet (bread as national staple food) but also stress of my relationship and adapting to a new culture. And since I have returned to Canada, I gained another 20 pounds from the stress of starting my life over here, and working a job I don't love. And in the end, the extra weight only makes life harder, because clothes don't fit, and we feel bad about ourselves. I wish we did not need to have a love-hate relationship with food, and that moderation had always been a part of my life. But I, too, have reached the point where I can't continue like this. I will be glad to keep reading your inspirational updates, and hope that soon I will kick into a similar realization of my own. Keep 'er going!
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