Insanity's on hold for the moment

Sunday night as I was coming downstairs, my sock slipped and I FELL down the stairs! I wasn't hurt terribly bad, but when I landed my heel hit the hardwood floor and I've been hobbling around ever since. I've not been able to put pressure on the foot, so exercising is definitely out of the question. My foot is feeling less terrible everyday, so I'm hoping by the end of the week I will be able to get back into Insanity. I've been watching what I eat, but without exercise I feel like I'm gaining. I'm not even thinking about stepping on the scale. I think I'm going to hold off for a few weeks until I've been back in the swing for a bit.

It's very frustrating to not be able to exercise, but I know if I do high impact moves on this foot then I may injure it worse than it is now. I've been at this for a long time, and along the way I've met a group of girls that are also struggling to lose weight. It's nice having the support of people that understand just how hard it is to get it off. Everyday I am thankful that I've found the strength of friends and the strength inside of myself to continue on this journey, no matter what obsticles I need to overcome.

On a side note, I've almost gotten rid of every piece of clothing that is too big. Keeping them around just means I may fit back into them one day, and I am not ever going to let that happen. My sister was kind enough to let me go shopping in her closet for all of the clothes that no longer fit her either, as she's lost weight and is a svelte size 5/6 now. I have lots of new beautiful clothes that I didn't have to pay for! Along with the clothes that fit me now, she gave me several things that are a size or two too small so I dedicated a closet in my house to my "goal clothes". Keeping clothes that are too small is fully acceptable, it gives me something to work toward.

I don't know at this point just how much weight I still need to lose. It could be 10 pounds, 20 pounds, or 30 pounds. I often wonder if when I get to the right weight I will realize it. Right now, I look in the mirror and still see a fat girl. Lets not kid, I am still fat. Not obese, but overweight. I hope that one day when I get to where I'm supposed to be, I'll be satisfied and happy with myself. That really doesn't have much to do with my physical self...I think I need to start working on my ability to recognize and accept that I'm beautiful (and NOT fat). It's been a long road....over a year, and I don't anticipate this road coming to an end anytime soon. This is my journey, as bumpy as its been, and as bumpy as it continues to be, I am looking forward to finally being completely happy with my physical self, regardless of how long it takes.

Recommitting for the New Year

Wow, I haven't written since October. Life has been in the way of writing, but I really do want to make an effort to make writing a part of my weekly routine. Again I've just been working and dealing with the family stuff and time gets away from me. I did want to make some time to write a post about my weight loss progress. Since the last time I wrote, I've only lost 5 lbs. For the most part I've just maintained which is a feat in itself as the holidays are all about food! I managed through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my 31st birthday without gaining. I am still in a size 10 and I am now 154 pounds.

Here is a progress pic. On the left I'd already lost about 15 lbs. On the right, the day I fit into a size 10 at 159:

I have now been living a healthy lifestyle for 13 months. I am much happier and much healthier, although, I am not even close to where I want to be physically. For my new years resolution, I decided to recommit to my exercise routine, which I have totally slacked on lately. It's been hard to find time to get to the gym and I haven't had any real motivation to workout at home either. I did find time this week to hit the gym, however, even when I'm at the gym I feel like I'm not getting the workout I need. It's hard to workout on my own when I really don't know how much I should be working out. I can spend two hours a day at the gym, but I'm not seeing the results I think I should, which leads me to believe I'm not working out effectively.

After some research, I decided to continue going to the gym, but to add another workout along with the gym. I purchased the Insanity workout system today. It's a high intensity 60 day workout program. It's by the same makers of P90X, but even harder. I'd seen the infomercials and did a lot of research and realized one thing. It would be impossible for this plan to NOT work, unless I just didn't put in the effort. I know I'm probably not as fit as you should be to start a workout regimen like this one, but I can accomplish anything I choose to. I know I can do this. I took the fitness test portion of insanity today and I got a little more than half way through it before I felt like I was going to pass out and/or throw up. I know it sounds weird, but that's the kind of workout I need. It's the kind of workout I know is pushing me. Its the kind of workout that will produce results.

I took pictures today since it was day 1 of the 60 day challenge. I was mortified at how I look in those pics. Yes, I've lost a lot of weight. Yes, I am much smaller than I was. But I am incredibly jiggly and majority fat. I am so focused on making sure that I can take a picture and feel happy. I want to walk without my thighs wiggling. I want to wave without the flab on my arm flapping around. I am determined to get this weight off and I am sure I'm going to be frustrated and sore and tired, but really, in retrospect, every tear I've shed, every sore muscle I've had, every time I've skipped cake, cookies, or fried food, has been worth it. Nothing feels as good as setting your mind to a goal and obtaining it. Right now my goal is in my mind and I will stick to it. I will complete this 60 days of intense exercise. I will get this jiggly butt under control!!!!!!

Weight Loss Update

I can't believe it's been over 2 months since the last time I wrote. Life has gotten busy with starting a new job and having two kids and a husband, but I wanted to take a little time to update on my weight loss.

As of today, I've lost 55 pounds...and somewhere over 60 inches. Over 60 inches could be 61 or 72, I'm not sure as I haven't measured in several weeks but the last time I did I had lost 60 and I am smaller now. You cannot imagine just how much better I feel physically and how strong I feel emotionally. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life is setting a goal to lose weight and sticking to it. Accomplishing something so difficult has made me feel amazing. I feel proud of myself and I feel like I can take on anything. I'm not done yet, but I am almost there. I KNOW I will get there now. I got through the toughest part of it and I've made it this far, there is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that I will hit the finish line and be completely happy with my body one day soon.

Many people have asked me how I lost the weight. I want to let everyone know here how it all worked.....the very first thing is you have to be READY to lose weight. Be ready to make a LIFE CHANGE. Be ready to commit yourself wholly to something that is hard and requires time and effort every.single.day. I will not pretend that this was easy, however, I will tell you that the sacrifices I've made over the past 9 months have been completely worth it.  Every day I worked out when I was too damn tired to, was worth it. Every piece of birthday cake I didn't eat was hard at the time, but is barely even memorable now.

I lost 50 pounds following The South Beach Diet. For the first month I didn't exercise at all. I was too fat and had no energy. After the first month I was ready to work out, but embarrased to go to the gym, so I bought Jillian Michaels Shred and worked out 20 minutes a day at home. On Saturdays I went on a 2 mile hike through the woods. I bought "Just Dance" for the wii. After a month or two I joined the YMCA gym and got with a trainer to set me up on an automated program that tracked my progress.  For about 4 or 5 months I worked out every single day. Tired or not. The weight was coming off little by little and slowly my clothes were getting bigger. There were weeks I gained - always less than a pound - and I didn't get discouraged. I'd try harder the next week.

In June I started a new job that required a lot of hours and no time for the gym. I was eating out here and there and trying to work out at home. 2 months passed and I had really only maintained my weight. At the end of September I'd gained about 4 pounds and I'd really lost my focus of hardcore "dieting". After much research I decided to try HCG.

HCG is the hormone pregnant women produce to burn stored fat to provide for their fetus should they not eat enough to provide. I decided to use homeopathic HCG instead of the daily injections to see if it would work. I did the HCG for 7 days and lost 9.8 pounds. I was planning to do the HCG for the 23 days that I purchased enough drops for, but after the first week I felt like I'd lost enough to get me focused on losing again the right way. Lots of people have asked me how I liked HCG, so I will tell you.

I am not advocating HCG for long term weight loss. I truly believe that the ONLY way to get fit and stay that way is through a nutritious diet and lots of exercise. However, when I was at a plateau, HCG worked great for me. I took the drops under my tongue three times a day and only ate 500 calories. Yes, 500 is low, and your body will starve at 500 without HCG, but with HCG, you lower your calories so that your brain will be triggered to burn stored fat to provide energy. For the one week I used the drops and only ate 500 calories I felt fabulous. I had tons of energy (think of the nesting stage when your pregnant) and I was not hungry. I had no headaches, no mood swings, no dizzy spells, no nausea. No adverse effects at all. I definitely could have followed the 23 day plan, but for me, easier didn't feel as rewarding as kicking ass at the gym.

I am now in the 150's. I am in a size 10 jean and a medium shirt. I've lost a whole shoe size. My wedding ring is about to fall off. And I feel better at 30 than I have felt in probably 10 years.

I want to say also that I do spend a lot of time talking about my wieght loss. Mostly on Facebook. I am not bragging at all. If it comes off that way, I'm sorry. For a long time I used FB as a way to stay accountable for my wieght loss. If I had to post my loss I had to work out hard. Now, I am just really proud of what I've accomplished and I really want to be an example to everyone that wants to lose wieght. I never thought I'd succeed at it, but I have, and I want anyone who is friends with me to know that they can do it too. And I'm here if you want to talk about it or ask advice or get recipes or work out together. It is hard, but I mean it, if I can do it, you can do it!!

Pushy People

Last week I bought a new phone after 3 years of having the same one. I am a firm believer that if it ain't broke don't fix it. So while all of these awesome phones have come out that can turn off your tv at home while you're on vacation in Alaska, or allow you to skype with people across the world, I still had my sucky phone from 2008. While in the store the salesgirl kept trying to get me to get accessories. Blinged out phone plates (hello, I'm 30, not 8), home phone chargers (I don't need a second one), car chargers (I can buy one at the gas station for $6), insurance (on a $50 phone? I've never messed up a phone before, I think I'll take my chances) Transferring my numbers from the old phone to the new one for $10 (shit, my fingers work, I'll transfer them myself). I declined all over and over until finally her manager said "yooou cheap girl". I looked at her and calmly said, "while I may not spend money on inconsequential shit, I am sure I have more money in the bank than you". The girls were both nice at first but when I wouldn't buy into their strong arm sales tactics, they got nasty with me.

This got me thinking about other pushy people. It's not just salesmen. It's also converts. Let me give you a few examples.

A few years ago my lovely sister who smoked for many years stopped smoking. At that point she's become the most intolerant person of cigarettes that I know. I actually call her "the smoking Nazi". She cannot stand the smell of smoke and she's very vocal about it. Since she was able to quit the whole world should too. While she's probably right she's very strong in her open hate for all things tobacco, which can make some of us (ahem, ME) seem like losers for smoking.

I too could be pushy. Since I've lost weight and I've stuck with it for many months now, I find myself holding back telling people they should start losing. I never want to be "the weight loss Nazi" but I do see how tempting it is to be one. It's hard when people ask me "how did you lose it" and I see the disappointment in their face and hear it in their voice when I say "diet and exercise". Some of these people want it SO BAD, but are NOT willing to put the work in. I've invited countless ladies to come work out with me or offered to loan them a copy of the book I read to get started on my journey and they ALWAYS turn me down. At that point I could go on some tangent about "putting in the work to get the results" but I always refrain. I remember before I started my diet, I knew I was a huge fat ass but I still continued eating. I couldn't do it before I was ready to, for myself, and that is what keeps me from being a diet pusher.

Finally, there is one other category of pushy that I notice on a regular basis. Converts to other religions. I guess a convert is new to the religion so its at the forefront of their mind. Whereas if you were brought up Christain or Muslim, it's just a part of you. Newbies are learning and excited and want to share everything they're learning with others. Unfortunately, they are also very pushy. Their incessant talk about their new found religion is sometimes off putting and I've actually had to discontinue being friends with certain people because they can make snide comments if you don't want to believe in what they believe in (even if they've only believed in it for a few weeks).

So in summary, salesmen are the WORSE, but there are certain things, we as people in our regular lives should be aware of. We have to know that just because we believe something doesn't make it the right way for everyone, and even if its a situation of "if I can do it you can do it", doesn't mean people are READY to do it. We have to accept people for who they are whether they smoke, are fat, or are of a different religion. I have to remind myself of that every time I want to go on and on about how "you're gonna kick yourself for not starting sooner once you realize how easy and rewarding it is" I've finally reserved myself to being there for people if they want to know about my weight loss, but not pushing dieting on them. People will find it inside of themselves to find whats right for them, including religion, so we have to stop trying to force people to agree with us and just be there for them when they need us.

Let's Forgive Casey Anthony

Since the verdict, the media has been full of stories about her safety. Full of stories of people that want to marry her, kill her, torture her. Full of articles asking how she could have gotten off. Full of speculation about where life will take her now as one of the most hated people in the United States, if not the world.

One category of story I can't understand is "Forgive Casey Anthony". I read an article that asked the question, "Will hating Casey bring Caylee back"? Why no, it won't, but neither will forgiving her. This story has captivated a nation for three years. It angered a nation when a woman did not even tell authorities her daughter was missing for 31 days. It angered us even more when we found out she was entering wet t-shirt contests and partying during this 31 day period. It brought the anger to a whole new level when we heard there were searches for chloroform on her computer. When there was a dead body stench in her car trunk. And finally the anger was brought to a level that cannot be explained when Caylee's remains were found with duct tape and a heart sticker across the mouth.

During the trial, there were talks that she could get off due to all of her changing stories. That they only had to prove reasonable doubt. I, along with the bulk of the nation, believed this case was a slam dunk. When the jury deliberated, they'd surely come back with a big fat GUILTY. As we all know now, that's the opposite of what happened, and today, Casey Anthony is a free woman.

If you feel like you could forgive this woman, go ahead, but please do not expect the majority of the world to forgive her. I am not too proud to admit that I am not that good of a person. I don't think people that kill their babies should be forgiven. Not by me, not by you, not by God. I believe people who hurt babies should eternally rot in hell, and in the interim, should live a tortured life here on earth.

If I heard tomorrow that she was killed, would I be happy? Probably not, just because I don't celebrate death. But would I feel sorry for her? No. I do actually believe in an eye for an eye, and if you kill your kid and get off by a technicality, then you will get what you deserve another way. Call me a bad Christian if you want because I choose to not forgive someone that killed their baby and lied, lied, lied about it for 3 years. Some offenses, in my opinion, are just not forgivable.

This woman will not go away. I don't give it long before we find her back in jail or dead. I don't think there is any possibility in the world for her to live a normal life, and she doesn't deserve one anyway, so when the day comes and she gets real judgement - from God, for that, I will be releived.

Put In The Work Now, Reap The Benefits Later

I am extremely happy with my new job. I've been on information overload for the past two weeks though. I have a huge three ring binder with notes upon notes upon notes. My job requires a lot of attention to detail and I have to learn the way this company does everything. I'm not complaining though, I know I am going to love this job. I've done everything expected of me at other companies, so I just need to get familiar with my current company's policies and procedures. I am currently feeling much like a new relationship feels. You're very excited and nervous. You're trying to learn everything you can, you're on your best behavior, but what you really are looking forward to is the comfortable stage. When you REALLY know the other person, and you can just be yourself, and you know exactly what to do and when to do it. I'm looking forward to when I can run the office and not consult my giant book of notes.

I've worked around 50 hours a week both weeks, and that probably won't be changing any time soon. Unfortunately the Office Managers prior to me just wanted to reap the benefits of the job without putting in the work it requires, so I've stepped into a situation where I am putting out more fires than anything. Finding a customer file requires nothing short of an hours worth of digging and finally just praying for it to appear before your eyes. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Customers have been ignored, organization has been ignored, proper procedures have been ignored. No longer though. I fully intend on making my branch of this company a model.

Right now my office is in the spotlight. I am in the spotlight. Unfortunately for five years corporate has seen Office Manager after Office Manager fail in my branch. I cannot understand why though. The job is straight forward, the work is for the most part clear. The management is great, corporate provides a lot of support, so I can only assume that in the past they've just hired the wrong person for the job. I have a lot of proving myself to a lot of people in the near future, and that's ok. I love a challenge, and I love kudos for a good job. I am expecting that in the near future.

So for now I will put in those 50 hour weeks, and smile the entire time, because in a few months, my office will be running smoothly and I can work regular 40 hour weeks and not have a worry about if work will be effected negatively. I am so thankful for this opportunity and I am just looking forward to getting to the comfortable stage of this relationship.

Another One, or Two, Opens...

A few posts ago, I wrote about losing my job. Looking forward to finding new opportunities and staying positive. Four weeks after being "let go", things started changing for me.

I sent out what seemed like thousands of resumes. Applying for jobs that were farther than I'd really like to travel, and for jobs I knew people with more experience were also trying to get. I applied through Careerbuilder, Monster, Indeed, Craigslist, and company websites. I filled out dozens of applications and aptitude tests.

One week after becoming unemployed I applied for a job that was just a few miles from my house. I went on the interview and felt like it went GREAT. The next day I found out I didn't get the job. I was pretty sad because I felt like that job was perfect for me, but I didn't let it get me down, I continued with my search. Two weeks later I interviewed for another company about 10 miles from my house I also found through Craigslist. The interview went pretty good and I was called in for a second interview. That afternoon I was offered the job. The job was set to start two weeks later on June 20. I was disappointed at the salary offered, but knew I couldn't hold out for more money in this economy. The company seemed fantastic and all was set to go for me to start on the 20th.

Three days later, I got a call from the first company telling me the person they hired didn't work out and they'd like to offer me the job, starting on June 20th. I quickly accepted because the position seemed to fit me better and I really felt in the interview that this was the job I was meant to have. I turned around and called the other company and regretfully told them I was afraid I would have to rescind my acceptance of the job. They were so nice about it and told me if anything changed with the job offer, to call them, because they'd love to have me on their team. I wished them the best of luck in finding someone that was as excited to work there as I was.

I was flown up to Pennsylvania for training for my new position, and after one day, I knew this was the company that I was meant to work at. I love the actual work, the environment, and the way the company treats their employees. In preparation for training week, many people from corporate called me to thank me for accepting their offer and to welcome me to the company. They were very efficient in making sure all paperwork was sent to me immediately for payroll and benefit purposes, and I truly felt welcomed and wanted. I felt as if they were treating me like I was doing them a favor for working there, as opposed to acting like they were doing me a favor for employing me.

I had such a good time in the office when I was training and the girl showing me the ropes was an absolute delight. I couldn't believe just how lucky I was to get a great job with a great company in a great location. It just seems like I am getting what I deserve because I did the right thing. If I learned anything from this experience, it's that, although I got fired for standing up for Muslims (and I would have done the same for Jews, Hindus, or anyone for that matter), and while it was hard to comprehend that, it is ultimately what led me to a job I'm confident I am going to be happy with.

God is good, and I owe it all to Him.